This evening I'm feeling truly depressed. The kind of depression that one feels deeply to the core of his being. It's an actual weight in my chest. If I dwell on this even just a little a spiral nose dive into truly life endangering behavior would result. This won't happen because I have an intellectual grasp of the situation and know this feeling will pass.
The interesting thing is that today has actually been a good one. There has been absolutely no cause for this depression. Things are actually going well. Lately I have been re-contacting friends who I've been out of contact with for some time. Work is going well, it's the challenge I've needed for awhile now. Things are good. No cause for depression.
So what is it? I have to believe that these feelings come from a biological imbalance of some sort. I'm not posessed by demons or any such archaic theory. I will not start a regimine of psych meds to balance it out because I don't those drugs in my body for spiritual reasons. (please understand I don't mean "religious" reasons. I'm not Tom Cruise-esque for Christs sake) I believe that psych meds will totally screw with my psychic development. Maybe I'll blog more about that later.
I'm left with the task of just pushing through these instances and making the best of it through these times. They generally don't last long and since I am able to name the problem, it is easier to deal with. I will be bigger than my mood.